Chapter 43 – I am not me!

I am not me!

Bangkok, 11 December 2015, 05:40

The seemingly nonsensical title should serve as an indication that today’s blog post will stray a little from my normal? (lol) topics. It might even mislead the reader to the extent that today’s post is certainly not about me, in any sense of the word.

I am not me

Not being a professional writer and having no illusion about the quality (actually the lack of quality) of my writing, I am trying to improve that sad fact by regularly visiting other blogs and reading posts done by authors of substance. Last night was was no exception and I browsed many sites, covering a wide variety of topics. My reading-learning-browsing was halted by a 13-year-old girl. Her writing and even more so, the things she was NOT writing still resound in my addled, early-morning brain.

If you have never visited a blog from a link sent to you before, I urge you to break that habit right now and go read the amazingly  powerful thoughts of EMMA….yes …RIGHT NOW…GO!..then come back here. She will literally change the way you think and the way you THINK, you think! If you don’t read her blog, this post will not make sense. (does it ever?)

Thanks for coming back. Incredible huh!….Without a doubt, she is the most incredible person I have (n)ever met. From the many examples of exquisitely penned ideas, I left her blog with a sleep-denying and ever insistent thought, clamoring for attention. My “stolen treasure” was only one sentence and the endless rehashing and unsuccessful attempts at unraveling this textual knot is also the reason for my early start to this day’s post. Since my abduction of these letters from her blog, I have not slept, even a minute.

“Trying to convince those who believe I’m an empty shell is impossible.”

Emma, I still don’t have any response to that very heart-felt statement you made. What I can offer instead, is my floundering and obviously incompetent attempts at sharing my own thoughts. Please forgive my theft of your sentence and help me write the response below!

My imaginary helper crew are scattered about the place, totally exhausted and by now, resigned to the fact that they are unable to create the required setting. Their resignation leaves me no alternative… It will have to me and I that finish this chore. Interview with myself, seems to be the only option left for me… and that makes sense…right?

The background for this interview was painted blue in the picture, for lack of having invisible coloring. That’s about as far as my imaginary crew got…

ME: Thanks for coming, I. Please take a seat.
I: (fuming) Did I have a choice?
ME: Sorry, you must be tired
I: Get on with it and maybe I can have some rest!
ME: The answer is this!

I: (indignant) A little white square? This interview is going to end before it even started.
ME: Not so, because this interview never actually happened and that is another thing!
I: Get back to the point!
ME: There is no point
I: There is no point in what?
ME: Before I answer that, please allow me to try and explain, but first a question, if you don’t mind.
I: (sarcastic) I am all yours!
ME: If you mix all the colors of the rainbow, what color do you get?
I: White, of course..but with paint it becomes black!
ME: Science says so but I don’t agree.
I: (laughing) So now you know more than science? Newsflash…You never even finished high school and now you sit here spouting stuff… and I have to listen to your nonsense.
ME: It is not nonsense; it is non-color!
I: Ok, let’s play your silly game. If it isn’t white, what color is it?
ME: It’s not a color but I show it in white so you can see it. It’s also not a square shape but it is too big to get in any space on earth, so I can only show you a very very small part of it. The boundary doesn’t really exist but I have to show the frame here so you can imagine where it ends and this virtual page, on your computer screen, starts again.

I: Let’s pretend I understand. A few questions for you.

1. WHAT is not a color?
2. WHAT is so big that it can’t fit anywhere?
3. WHAT doesn’t have a boundary?
4. ….. WHAT is your point?

ME: You know the answer already but I will write it here.

I: (exasperated) Now a little black square, do you honestly think a white and black square answer anything at all?
ME: Not ANY-thing. It answers EVERY-thing. Every letter of the alphabet, from every written language on earth, including symbols, figures and numbers would look like that, if written at the same time and in one place. If they were written in additive colors, they would also be invisible, just like the one at the beginning. But I did this one with subtractive color mixing and I had to also make it small because the size …
I: (interrupting… shouting) White box, black box and no point. Great… I don’t have time for this!
ME: EXACTLY! …You got it!
I: I got what?
ME: Time…no beginning, no end …you got it. TIME also doesn’t exist for this example!
I: (infuriated) Look here buddy, you are really starting to annoy me.
ME: Sorry, can I ask that you just think a few things through. No hurry! Take your non-time and just think about it..please.(begging) I have been thinking about it for years and years and the answer came from a statement on the blog of a 13-year-old, autistic girl. Even if for HER sake, please just THINK
I: I am thinking
ME: Yes… that’s it! Thoughts don’t have colors because thoughts don’t have LIGHT…yet we SEE colors in our thoughts, don’t we? Even with our eyes closed…..It’s ONLY in our MIND that we can TRULY see!

Our perceptions of color, size and even time don’t exist with any type of accuracy in our thoughts. About 90% of the good stuff gets lost before it even reaches our brain! Emma sees a LOT more than we do. She sees and perceives more things than we could EVER IMAGINE..or try to THINK!

And so ends the first installment of today’s blog post. Besides being completely confusing to I…and ME, ….I and ME are going to have a short, undeserved but essential rest. See you later today.

11:25 – Having had a luxurious sleep and an entertaining visit to  a forum that provides hours of material for my egotistical need for a laugh, let’s give our struggling interviewees a break and look at just one of the other issues, exposed by the lighthearted discussion above.

My own answer to the unposed question of whether it is possible to convince those who believe somebody is an empty shell? …It isn’t, simply because the answers would not be understood by the receivers thereof!

Does that make any sense?…. I thought not (and apologize to those for whom it did!)

My originally planned post for today can wait a bit more and I invite you to surf by again tomorrow for an equally biased and opinionated look at my life’s story, past, present and future!  🙂 Unfortunately a real-life matter demands my immediate attention and I doubt it will allow for a return to my writing today.

This being the last day to get the EASTER EGG perk, my repeated mention of the fact would be well heeded by anyone who entertains a hope of getting an insiders scoop of this blog and eventual book. As mentioned before, the perk will not be available afterwards and certainly not repeated!

Thank you for sharing a few wasted minutes with me on this speeding blue planet.